


Doubts

by snowspriestess



Series: One Shots [3]
Category: A Song of Ice and Fire & Related Fandoms, A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Drabble, F/M, show canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-29
Updated: 2016-11-29
Packaged: 2018-09-03 03:05:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,235
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8693953
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/snowspriestess/pseuds/snowspriestess
Summary: Jon Snow and Melisandre finally speak their minds and a whole lot of problems can be solved.





	

“So you're going to leave.”  
Melisandre's voice appeared out of nowhere, Jon turned around in surprise. She approached him slowly, her face the unmoved mask that she was always holding up. #  
Still, he thought to see some worry mixed in there. “I am”, he confirmed, actually feeling a little guilty when he recognized the hurt in her eyes. “I didn't think you would mind. You were the one urging me to send patrols beyond the wall.” 

She took some time with her answer. “I didn't mean for you to join them.”  
Those words surprised him. “What do you mean?” Jon was not sure what to make of that statement.  
“What I said.” She actually sounded angry now, but her face was as cool and controlled as always, lips pressed together and arms crossed in front of her body, almost as to keep him away. 

Sometimes he wondered if she would always be this distant with him or if she might actually let him look inside her head some day. In moments like this, he was not too sure. He never knew what she was thinking, if she was actually meaning what she was saying. After the surprising “I love you” things hadn't changed between them in even the slightest bit, much to Jon's discontent. He would have wished for her to act on her words, to show him that she meant them. She never did and he never mentioned it. Until now.  
“You don't always mean what you say.” The words spilled over his lips before he had time to properly think about them and he instantly regretted them. 

Because Melisandre seemed to know very well what he was talking about, judging from the hurt that clouded her features. She stayed quiet, however. Just as she always did.  
“You won't say anything in your defense?” Jon was getting more and more angry, his blood was already boiling. All these last weeks of discontent seemed to add up in just this moment. 

She was trying to avoid eye contact, staring at the ice beneath their feet.  
Her silence was starting to drive him even more angry. Why could she not just say what she was thinking? She was never afraid to speak her mind when it came to her visions or her rituals or her god, why could she not just answer him?  
“I don't think I want to do this anymore.” The words sounded bitter in his ears, and much more angry then he had originally meant for them to be. “That's why I'm leaving. I need to get some space.” 

Her gaze shot up, meeting his own. Shock stood in her face, sadness even. Something was shimmering in her eyes, but he could not quite tell if it were tears. She was breathing in carefully, Jon saw that her hands were slightly shaking. Maybe she did have feelings after all. Maybe she was actually human. Finally, she opened her mouth. “I am scared.”  


From all the things that she could have said, all the things he would have expected her to say, this was the one he never would have imagined. “What?” was all he could think of at first. But luckily his mind returned quickly. “What would you be scared of?” His tone was still a little angry, still a little hurt. Her answer had not been quite what he had hoped for. But he did not want her to be scared. Whatever it was that frightened her, he would make it go away. 

Melisandre pressed her lips together, trying to look anywhere but his eyes. Finally their gazes met. Her voice was very quiet, he almost didn't catch her words. “Losing you.”  
Jon stared at her in surprise. He did not expect that at all. Once again he was speechless. He opened his mouth, trying to say something, but he had no idea what.  
Her eyes followed each of his movements, waiting for a response. 

He had to take a deep breath before he was able to answer. His head was pure chaos. “You're scared of losing me”, he repeated, trying to put the pieces together.  
“That's what I just said”, she snapped, sliding back into her defensive position.  
Jon sighed quietly, before taking a step forward to approach her. “I'm sorry.” He tried to make his voice softer. “You don't have to be scared, alright? I'm coming back.” Suddenly he felt very sorry, seeing the pain in her eyes. 

Melisandre was looking away again. “And what if you don't?” Her voice was almost cracking now, but she was not crying. Jon was sure that her pride wouldn't allow her to cry in front of him. She was turning away slightly, as if she wanted to escape. “You don't understand.” The words were barely more than a whisper, but he understood them just fine.  
“What do I not understand?” he insisted. He would not let her slip away this time. 

She remained silent for a few seconds. “How I feel”, she finally answered.  
He sighed. “Melisandre.” The sound of her name on his lips made her raise her head. “I can not understand you if you don't let me. You have to talk to me.”  
And in that moment, she actually started to cry. Jon was so struck by the sight of it for a moment that he just watched in surprise, before he finally remembered what to do and slowly approached her. “I didn't mean to make you cry”, he whispered, taking her into his arms and pressing a kiss to her forehead. “I'm sorry.” The sound of her crying broke his heart and in that moment he wanted nothing more than to make her feel better. 

She was weeping quietly, placing her head on his chest. They stayed like that for a moment, before she pulled back and whipped the tears away with the back of her hand. He could hear the fast beat of her heart, before she spoke. “I can't lose you too.” 

Jon shook his head, frowning. “You won't lose me”, he assured her, stroking a strand of red hair out of her face. He felt horrible, seeing the sadness in her face. His fingers traveled softly about her jaw, skimming along the features of her face.  
Melisandre swallowed hard. “I've lost everyone I've ever loved.” The words sounded bitter on her tongue and suddenly he understood. That was the reason she was always keeping him at a distance, why she never let him in completely. And why she didn't want him to leave. She seemed to have read his mind. “Don't leave tomorrow.” She spoke very quietly, but with determination in her voice. “Please.” 

Her red eyes met his own blue ones, and for a moment he could not think. He felt the heat of her body, inhaled her familiar smell of ash and something else that he could never quite guess. Their faces were very close now, he could see her chest rising in fast motions. “Alright”, he finally said. “I'm staying.” 

Melisandre sighed in relief, resting her forehead on his shoulder. “Thank you”, she whispered against his body, curling her fingers into his furs. For a few seconds she remained in her position, then she pulled back a little and placed a soft kiss on his lips. A slight smile was resting on her lips. “Just for the record: I mean everything I say.”


End file.
